Nice job, even colour balance/grading is quite a challenge, you have done a good job, moody/dramatic in parts.
I fully agree with Jim Hare's comments in regard to length of show. Less is more for me, but if you are telling a story it is a challenge to cut out good shots for the sake of the story. I have been doing this for a few years now and it is still difficult (I agree with Jim at around 80-90 seconds, my attention span drifts quickly after that, keep em wanting more!).
Read a lot, watch a lot, look what others do and unpick how it is achieved. Like photography, getting it right takes time. Above all, enjoy it!